"SKILLS: Committed to meeting deadline."
Just one?
"HOBBIES: Michael Bolton."
That's a first.
"SKILLS: I'm try-lingual."
She either speaks three languages or has trouble with just one.
"COVER LETTER: I host a superlative proficiency for resolving complex systematic problems. I have pedagogic expertise conducting sales, and I can be quickly utilized as an assiduous, visceral and proactive problem solver."
Easy for you to say.
-- Are you applying for jobs? Find out what they pay.
"EQUIPMENT: Human brain 1.0."
We'll wait for the upgrade.
"POSITION DESIRED: Profreader."
It doesn't look good...
"DATE OF EMPLOYMENT: 2002-9999."
She's earned her gold watch!
"EDUCATIONAL ACHIEVEMENTS: Maintained a 2.0 GPA."
We can't "C" why you highlighted this fact.
"REFERENCES: Scott."
We'll need a little more to go on.
"EXPERIENCE: Demonstrated ability in multi-tasting."
You'll love our vending machine.
"EXPERIENCE: Only employee of a small distribution company."
Can't get much smaller than that.
"APPLICATION: Q: How large was the department you worked in with your last company? "A: 3 stories."
OK ... Then, approximately how many people sat on each floor?
"PERSONAL: I can describe myself in three words: committed, hard working, and very strategic thinking."
That's seven words.
"REASON FOR LEAVING: Pushed aside so the vice president's girlfriend could steal my job."
We're glad you're not bitter.
"OFFICE EQUIPMENT: Stapler."
Did you find it tough to master?
"EXPERIENCE: "Responsibilities included recruiting, screening, interviewing and executing final candidates."
Seems kind of harsh ...
"EXPERIENCE: I was brought in as a turnaround consultant to help turn the company around."
Sounds like you may be going in circles.
"COMPENSATION: My compensation should be at least equal to my age."
And bonuses "tied to" your shoe size?
"WORK EXPERIENCE: Responsibilities included checking customers out."
And then did you rank them on a scale of 1-to-10?
"CURRENT SALARY: $36,000. Salary desired: $250,000."
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
